


Do Ants Even Nut?

by naughtaeandnice



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Jeon Jungkook is Whipped, Jeon Jungkook is a Little Shit, Kim Taehyung | V is So Done, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Bad at Feelings, Smut, Texting, Yoonseok - Freeform, but dont worry he shall find love too, but its hilarious, chatfic au, except tae is a loner, honestly this chat is a mess, its funny, jikook - Freeform, namjin - Freeform, only like a little, that shall come later tho, they are all constantly attacking jungkook, they are all pining for each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 20:54:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12943695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naughtaeandnice/pseuds/naughtaeandnice
Summary: the resident ant hoe™: yeah totally private when we can hear you when you come over and sneak off into joon’s roomthe resident ant hoe™: #sorrynotsorryHashtagwhipped: that's from the porn you jerk off to nothing elseHashtagwhipped: not anything from joon’s roomHashtagwhipped: just pornHashtagwhipped: from your computerthe resident ant hoe™: wow.the resident ant hoe™: low blows.the resident ant hoe™: JOKES ON YOU I DONT WATCH PORN NEVER I NEVER WATCH PORN AHAHashtagwhipped: OH WOW REALLY WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DRAW THAT MY LITTLE PONY NSFW FANARTthe resident ant hoe™: because of scienceJustKidding: NO NOT THE HORSE PORNthe resident ant hoe™: and BECAUSE YALL MOTHER FUCKERS WANTED TO SEE MY TALENT RIGHTHashtagwhipped: lady gaga meant that to the lgbtq communite not yuour perverted ass





	Do Ants Even Nut?

**Author's Note:**

> this lovely fic is dedicated to our friend @m2xx3i on tumblr for her birthday, this one's for you love <3 
> 
> hastagwhipped: Jin  
> Joonie: Namjoon  
> Yoongles: Yoongi  
> Sunshine: Hoseok  
> abiteofmochi: Jimin  
> the resident ant hoe™: Taehyung  
> JustKidding: Jungkook

_Hashtagwhipped to Joonie:_

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** Joonie my bro

 

**Joonie:** Yes Jin hyung?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** the kids are all so whipped for each other

 

**Joonie:** kids? Oh yeah the kids

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** mmhmm, but they’re too dumb to realize that they’re pining for each other

**Hashtagwhipped:** so we must do something about it

 

**Joonie:** Should we?

**Joonie:** Isn’t it better to let nature take its course and let them figure it out on their own?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** Nah, that shit takes too long

**Hashtagwhipped:** We’re gonna set them up with each other

**Hashtagwhipped:** But for this plan to work

**Hashtagwhipped:** We have to umm…

 

**Joonie:** Have to what hyung?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** wekindahavetofakedate

 

**Joonie:** lol what?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** I mean the kids already think we’re together even though we’re just best bros, so we just have to be more you know, coupley  

**Hashtagwhipped:** So we just have to act a little and push them together

**Hashtagwhipped:** and then voila everyone’s together

**Hashtagwhipped:** we tell them the truth

**Hashtagwhipped:** they get a little mad for us lying to each other

**Hashtagwhipped:** but happy ending, what do you think?

 

**Joonie:** ...umm idk if thats a good idea hyung?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** plsssss, it’ll be fun i promise

 

**Joonie:** ugh fine i guess, i can never say no to you anyways

 

**Hashtaghipped:** thanks joon love  <3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Do ants even nut_

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** whistles

**the resident ant hoe™:** WELL

**the resident ant hoe™:** we

**the resident ant hoe™:** should

**the resident ant hoe™:** eat

**the resident ant hoe™:** marshmallows

**the resident ant hoe™:** but i dont have marshmallows

**the resident ant hoe™:** so no

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** that was unnecessary

**Hashtagwhipped:** unexcused

**Hashtagwhipped:** bye

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** WAIT DONT LEAVE

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** I'M NOT

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** I CAN GIVE YOU MARSHMELLOWS

**the resident ant hoe™:** UP THe

**the resident ant hoe™:** NVM

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** YOU DON'T HAVE ANY

**Hashtagwhipped:** UP THE WHAT HUH???

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** ~NOTHING~

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** yoU WANTED TO SAY MY ANUS DIDNT YOU TAE U SHIT

 

**JustKidding:** we know you meant ass

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** NOPE yes i meant ass duh i meant ass

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** when does he mean anything but ass

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** when there’s another hole

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** vagina

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** or mouth

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** i was gonna say mouth

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** sure jan

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** i meant mouth

**the resident ant hoe™:** honestly

**the resident ant hoe™:** like bjs

**the resident ant hoe™:** like what you want namjoon to give-

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** squints eyes

**Hashtagwhipped:** my sex life is private kid shush

**Hashtagwhipped:** besides

**Hashtagwhipped:** did you know

**Hashtagwhipped:** i am so gay for my boyfriend

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** yeh i knew

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** jungkook engage in the conversation don't just ghost around

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** yeah totally private when we can hear you when you come over and sneak off into joon’s room

**the resident ant hoe™:** #sorrynotsorry

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** that's from the porn you jerk off to nothing else

**Hashtagwhipped:** not anything from joon’s room

**Hashtagwhipped:** just porn

**Hashtagwhipped:** from your computer

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** wow.

**the resident ant hoe™:** low blows.

**the resident ant hoe™:** JOKES ON YOU I DONT WATCH PORN NEVER I NEVER WATCH PORN AHA

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** OH WOW REALLY WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DRAW THAT MY LITTLE PONY NSFW FANART

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** because of science

 

**JustKidding:** NO NOT THE HORSE PORN

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** and BECAUSE YALL MOTHER FUCKERS WANTED TO SEE MY TALENT RIGHT

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** lady gaga meant that to the lgbtq communite not yuour perverted ass

 

**JustKidding:** talent u say

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** NO FFS

**Hashtagwhipped:** WHAT TALENT

  
  


**the resident ant hoe™:** idek what we're talking about anymore

 

**JustKidding:** You never really do tho

**JustKidding:** You're Tae after all pfft

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** im A CUTAE HAH

 

**JustKidding:** More like thirstae

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** wow dude jungkook low blow again

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** kook shut up you with your thirstiness for jimin

 

**JustKidding:** STFU

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** OH YOU

**Hashtagwhipped:** MY CHILD

**Hashtagwhipped:** KID

**Hashtagwhipped:** WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I FELT THE SAME EMOTIONS

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** YOUR 5 YEARS OLDER THAN HIM

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** it was all the same for me too

 

**JustKidding:** SHUT IT MOM

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** but i stopped being a pussy

 

**JustKidding:** Oh really

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** SHHHHH

**Hashtagwhipped:** and asked your lovely papa out

**Hashtagwhipped:** and here we are

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** OOH DADDY KINK

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** dating

**Hashtagwhipped:** and in love

**Hashtagwhipped:** our love is pure

**Hashtagwhipped:** wtf u on

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** the clouds of nothingness

 

**JustKidding:** Tae count oppa kink in too

**JustKidding:** Also hyung

**JustKidding:** You’re loud

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** unlike you i know how to please my partner

 

**JustKidding:** DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** i would think again hyung

**the resident ant hoe™:** hobi and i can hear everything

 

**JustKidding:** Sadly

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** and its doesn't sound so pleasing tbh

  


**Hashtagwhipped:**

****

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** look at this shit

**Hashtagwhipped:** (ya virgins)

**Hashtagwhipped:** he is so cute

**Hashtagwhipped:** so fucking handsome

**Hashtagwhipped:** i love him

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** umm i beg to differ about being a virgin heh

 

**JustKidding:** I just puked

 

**Hashtagwhipped: *** _teary eyes*_ why am i so lucky

**Hashtagwhipped:** my virginity was gone before yours so fuck off thanks

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** NO i lost my virginity coming out of my mother

 

**Hashtagwhipped:**...you do realize your mistake right

 

**JustKidding:** I-

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** I WILL NOT TAKE THAT BACK OK

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** no that's not how sex works sweetie

 

**JustKidding:** s w e e t i e

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** did you not have a good sex-ed class

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** no think about it thats how it works

**the resident ant hoe™:** thiNK

**the resident ant hoe™:** THINK

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** well no it's not

**Hashtagwhipped:** so stfu

**Hashtagwhipped:** get in - losing virginty  
**Hashtagwhipped:** get out - being born

**Hashtagwhipped:** or shit and piss

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** I am-

 

**JustKidding:** i hate you guys

**JustKidding:** my fetus eyes

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** LOVE YOU TOO KOOKIE

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** no you lOVE US JUNGKOOKIE

 

**JustKidding:** FUCK OFF KINKY SHIT

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** OUR KOOKIE DOUGH

 

**JustKidding:** EW

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** SHHH

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** how kan we be not Kinky

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** GET SMOTHERED IN HUG SON

**Hashtagwhipped:** ah he's at that age

**Hashtagwhipped:** where he denies his fathers love

 

**JustKidding:** grandpa

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** _wipes tear_

**Hashtagwhipped:** shhh i am your father luke

 

**JustKidding:** oh my god

**JustKidding:** can i leave

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** no

**Hashtagwhipped:** family bonding time

  


**the resident ant hoe™:** luke should've said "DADDY?"

**the resident ant hoe™:** _silence_

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** i am your father and namjoon’s daddy so he’s your papa

 

**JustKidding:** pffft

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** _papi_

 

**JustKidding:** right, baby boy

**JustKidding:** you're the daddy

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** yes i am

**Hashtagwhipped:** yes yes

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** kookie ur the only baby boy here

 

**JustKidding:** i aM NOT

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** admitt it kid

**Hashtagwhipped:** don't be shy

**Hashtagwhipped:** it's ok to be like this at your age

 

**JustKidding:** fuck you

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** you're at that age where everything turns you on

 

**JustKidding:** stop talking pls

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** a bus passes by? A boner immediately

 

**JustKidding:** w h y

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** don't be the disappointment in our family

 

**JustKidding:** guess i gotta water my pillows now

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** i've had the bus thing before

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** ahh

 

**JustKidding:** i'm leaving

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** KOOKIE NO

 

**JustKidding:** FUCK YOU

**Hashtagwhipped:** yoongi i see u here

 

**yoongles:** And?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** and?

**Hashtagwhipped:** talk

**Hashtagwhipped:** if you don't want to talk why are you here

 

**JustKidding:** savage much

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** ikr

 

**Yoongles:** well besides enjoying all of this insanity, I do have other people I talk to

 

**JustKidding:** REALLY???

 

**SUNSHINE:**....

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** Our yoongles has friends!!!

 

**Yoongles:** Of course I have friends

**Yoongles:** Hey hobi

 

**SUNSHINE:** I LEAVE FOR 20 MIN

**SUNSHINE:** AND I COME BACK TO 100+ MESSAGES

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** don't bitch at me

 

**SUNSHINE:** wait yoongles has friends?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** i know right it makes me shocked

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** yeah we were surprised too tbh

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** you should’ve told me

**Hashtagwhipped:** we would invite them over and I’d cook up a nice family dinner

 

**Yoongles:** Why is everyone so shocked that i have friends?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** _because_

 

**JustKidding:** umm

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** you're you

**Hashtagwhipped:** that's all

**Hashtagwhipped:** you have a resting bitch face

**Hashtagwhipped:** all the time

**Hashtagwhipped:** but you're too cute so that makes people wanna approach you

 

**yoongles::** Well yeah, but I'm trying to get better with that

 

**JustKidding:** cute hyung

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** good job my bEST FRIEND

 

**Yoongles:** what's the use of all this information if I don't use it in conversation?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** come out of that shell and experience the new life

 

**yoongles:**  Haha thanks bro

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** but i will fight anyone that tries you

 

**Yoongles:** Jungkook you little shit if you call me cute one more time istg

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** you're cute shhiitt

 

**SUNSHINE:** but you are a cutie

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** accept it

 

**JustKidding:** @yoongles: cute

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** one thing that unites us the acceptance that yoongles: is the cutest fucking thing and everyone needs to get that straight

 

**SUNSHINE:** i have receipts:

 

**yoongles::** Noooo hobi

 

**JustKidding:** straight huh

**JustKidding:** that wont be easy

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** ^^^^^^ kook

 

**SUNSHINE:** jungkook could you calm the flaming homosexual in you for a bit

**SUNSHINE:** we get it

**SUNSHINE:** youre gay

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** you too assshat

**Hashtagwhipped:** he's so cute

**Hashtagwhipped:** oh my god

**Hashtagwhipped:** dONT YOU AGREE HOBI

 

**SUNSHINE::** DONT I AGREE WITH WHAT

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** YOONGI BEING CUTE

 

**SUNSHINE:** uh, i mean yeah, who wouldnt??

**SUNSHINE:** i just wanna hug and protect him

**SUNSHINE:** like a lil baby

 

**JustKidding:** remind me why i choose to be still here

**SUNSHINE::** because we're the only ones that accepted your emo lookin ass

 

**yoongles::** I'm not a baby :((

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** that's right

**Hashtagwhipped:** you arreee

 

**JustKidding:** suuure, "baby boy"

 

**Yoongles:** you could just leave jungkook yknow, since Jimin isnt here

 

**JustKidding:** ur right

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** don't tear this family appart

 

**yoongles::** He's the one who wanted to leave

 

**JustKidding:** i dOnT nEeD tHiS aBuSe

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** your papa is out working here to support ya asses it's my job to hold this family

**Hashtagwhipped:** son you have to be prepared for the outer world

 

**JustKidding:** i'm l e a v i n g

**JustKidding:** does anyone know where jimin is?

 

**SUNSHINE:** "hold this family" what even is this family

 

**JustKidding:** family? i only know jimin

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** wow, ok

 

**JustKidding:** @the resident ant hoe™ WHERE IS JIMIN

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** idk

**the resident ant hoe™:** left

**the resident ant hoe™:** somewhere else

**the resident ant hoe™:** to a different family

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** don't say stuff like that tae

**Hashtagwhipped:** he went dancing

**Hashtagwhipped:** with taemin

 

**JustKidding:** ....

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** oh

**Hashtagwhipped:** did i hit a spot jungkook?

**Hashtagwhipped:** you need some comfort??

 

**JustKidding:** i just

**JustKidding:** it's always taemin

 

**SUNSHINE:** jungkook rn:

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** hit a spot

**the resident ant hoe™:** like a prostate

 

**JustKidding:** like a prostae

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** im not in someone else's body

**the resident ant hoe™:** except when i am

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** SHUT IT TAE KOOK IS SAD RN

 

**yoongles:** Taemin's a nice guy

 

**JustKidding:** taemin is stealing jimin away from me

**JustKidding:** not nice

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** shhh kook hyung is here for you

**Hashtagwhipped:** not nice at all

**Hashtagwhipped:** so what you gotta do?

 

**JustKidding:** i

**JustKidding:** i guess i can't kill him?

 

**SUNSHINE:** i mean we could

**SUNSHINE:** we just have to hide the body

**SUNSHINE:** and the evidence

 

**JustKidding:** but min will be mad

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** yeh no that would ruin my relationship with minho okay

**the resident ant hoe™:** so no

 

**SUNSHINE:** you have all your other hoes tho?

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** tbh kook if min leaves you

**the resident ant hoe™:** we can be single together

 

**Yoongles:** Guys you cant kill Taemin

**Yoongles:** but if you need help hiding the body, you know what number to call

  


**JustKidding:** im gonna cry

 

**Yoongles:** They're just friends don't worry Kookie

 

**SUNSHINE:** its okay kook

**SUNSHINE:** you can join me in the singles club

**SUNSHINE:** single and ready to mingle like a pringle

**JustKidding:** ew

**SUNSHINE:** DONT SAY EW TO ME YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD

 

**Yoongles:** i’m not a pringle or ready to mingle but yes i am what you call single

 

**SUNSHINE:** and dw yoongles, someone as cute as yourself will find someone

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** yeh totally u two are totally single

 

**JustKidding:** ,,,,does anyone else

**JustKidding:** feel the pain

**JustKidding:** bc theyre dense?

 

**Yoongles:** dense?

**Yoongles:** how are we dense?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** i do

**Hashtagwhipped:** so much

 

**SUNSHINE:** if youre talking about your thirsting pain for jimin

**SUNSHINE:** i felt it from 40 miles away

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** this is why you are a diappointment hobi

 

**SUNSHINE:** im the disappointment?

 

**JustKidding** :ofc

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** yes

**Hashtagwhipped:** and don't get me started on why

**Hashtagwhipped:** everyone KNOWS WHY

**Hashtagwhipped:** except you

**SUNSHINE:** F I G H T M E

**SUNSHINE:** IM SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FAVORITE

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** YOU ARE THE ADOPTED KID

 

**JustKidding:** whAT KIND OF PARENT SAYS THAT ASS HYUNG

 

**SUNSHINE:** THATS A LIE, YOU KNOW OUT OF ALL THESE FUCK UPS IM YOUR FAVORITE

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** NO

 

**SUNSHINE:** YES

 

**Yoongles:** Joon bro, pls get them to shut up

 

**Hashtagwhipped** : JOONIE, MY SWEET LOVELY SUNSHINE HUSBAND I LOVE YOU

 

**JustKidding:** oh no

**JustKidding:** the gross is coming

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** I LOVE YOU

**Hashtagwhipped:** GOW ARE

**Hashtagwhipped:** *HOW ARE

 

**Joonie:** HIIIIII(♡´౪`♡)h

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** hgkjbmhmb

**Hashtagwhipped:** do u see this

**Hashtagwhipped:** my heart

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** HOW WAS WORK HONEY

 

**JustKidding:** can i cry on your shoulder?

**JustKidding:** Joon hyung

 

**SUNSHINE:** im alone in this world

**SUNSHINE:** alone and unappreciated

 

**Yoongles:** no you're not

**Yoongles:** you've got me :))

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** mah bro pulling moves

 

**SUNSHINE:** thanks yoongs  <3

 

**JustKidding:** well damn

**JustKidding:** ill take that as a no

 

**SUNSHINE:** anywayssss

**SUNSHINE:** moving on

 

**JustKidding:** i hate you

**JustKidding:** with a burning passion

 

**SUNSHINE:** do you guys wanna hear about what happened to me today?

 

**JustKidding:** no

 

**SUNSHINE:** your opinion is irrelevant??

 

**Yoongles:** yes

**Yoongles:** i do i mean

 

**JustKidding:** i-

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** kook ya see that

**Hashtagwhipped:** _wiggling eyebrows_

 

**JustKidding:** namjin are my parents now

 

**Yoongles:** weren't they always?

 

**SUNSHINE:** yeah

**SUNSHINE:** i would’ve never have a coconut ass son like you

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** we weRE ALWAYS YOUR PAERNTS

 

**Joonie:** ( ˘ ³˘) how dare u only realize now tf

 

**hashtagwhipped** : and sorry for late replied i was making out with joonie

 

**Yoongles:** eww bro

**Yoongles:** don't need that image in my head

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** DO YOU- never mind

 

**SUNSHINE:** Pls you should hear the things jin wants to do with joon

**SUNSHINE:** Its much worse

 

**JustKidding:** NO

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** what bro

**Hashtagwhipped:** what do you mean

 

**Yoongles** : now its in my head gfdi

 

**SUNSHINE:** oh would you look at that

**SUNSHINE:** time to walk my goldfish

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** goldfishes huh

 

**Yoongles:**  i didnt know you even had a goldfish hobi

 

**the resident ant hoe™:** goldfish are cute

 

**JustKidding:** jimin is more cute

 

**Joonie:** Hobi I feel bad for ur goldfish if u rlly think walking its a good idea

**Joonie:** you guys know that the whole 'they have the attention span of a goldfish is 3 secs' is a myth?

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** we know Joonie

**Hashtagwhipped:** we know

 

**SUNSHINE:** i didnt??

 

**Joonie:** yopu didn't

**Joonie:** this is exactly why you are a disappointment

 

**SUNSHINE:** the disrespect that i get

**SUNSHINE:** 20 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP

**SUNSHINE:** ALL FOR NOTHING

 

**JustKidding:** o l d

 

**SUNSHINE:** I NEED A NEW BEST FRIEND

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** OH WOW

 

**SUNSHINE:** IM CURRENTLY TAKING APPLICATIONS

 

**Yoongles:** I volunteer

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** ofc he does

 

**Yoongles:** where do i sign up

**Yoongles** : my bro's abandoned me

**Yoongles:** *side eyes Jin*

**Yoongles:** so i need one too

 

**SUNSHINE:** haha thanks yoongles  <3

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** bro

**Hashtagwhipped:** no

**Hashtagwhipped:** i would never abandon you

**Hashtagwhipped:** hobi will defile you

**Hashtagwhipped:** he will make you a bad boy

**Hashtagwhipped:** he will strip that innocence

 

**Yoongles:** hobi is so pure what do you mean?

**Yoongles:** bad boy my ass

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** SWEETIE

**Hashtagwhipped:** HAVE YOU WATCHED

**Hashtagwhipped:** HIS BROWSER HISTORY

**Hashtagwhipped:** HAVE YOU

**Hashtagwhipped:** H A V E

**Hashtagwhipped:** Y O U

**Hashtagwhipped:** BECAUSE

**Hashtagwhipped:** IT SAYS A LOT

**Hashtagwhipped:** ABOUT SOMEONE

 

**Yoongles** : no? why would i?

**Yoongles:** it's his stuff

**Yoongles:** im not breaking his trust like that

 

**SUNSHINE:** KIM

**SUNSHINE:** FUCKING SEOKJIN

**SUNSHINE:** ISTG

**SUNSHINE:** YOU BETTER NOT SAY SHIT

**SUNSHINE:** I WILL FUCKING END YOU

**SUNSHINE:** I WILL EXPOSE YOU

**SUNSHINE:** ABOUT THAT ONE TIME

**SUNSHINE:** WHERE I FOUND A FANFIC

**SUNSHINE:** OF YOU KNOW WHO AND YOU KNOW WHO

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** OH NO YOU FCUKING WONT

**Hashtagwhipped:** MOTHER OF SON

 

**JustKidding:** WHAT FANFIC

 

**SUNSHINE:** DONT FUCKING TRY ME

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** WELL DON'T YA TRY ME EITHER

 

**JustKidding:** HOBI HYUNG

**JustKidding:** HOBI HYUNG

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** KOOK SHUT YO ASS

 

**JustKidding:** SEOKJIN HYUNG

**JustKidding:** HEY

**JustKidding:** YA GRANDPA

 

**SUNSHINE:** SHUT UP COCONUT

**SUNSHINE:** OH MY GOD

**SUNSHINE:** GO JACK OFF TO JIMIN

 

**JustKidding:** REALLY HYUNG

**JustKidding:** JUST WHY

**JustKidding:** BUT TELL ME WHAT FANFIC

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** IF YOU DONT SHUT YOUR MOUTH

**Hashtagwhipped:** I WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR TIMBERLANDS

**Hashtagwhipped:** AND WHITE TSHIRTS

 

**JustKidding:** DONT TOUCH MY CLOTHES OR ILL BREAK JOONIES ARM

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** _gASP_

 

**Joonie** : WHY ME

**Joonie:** I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHINGG

 

**Hashtagwhipped** : you wouldn't fucking dare

**Hashtagwhipped** : if you try

**Hashtagwhipped:** i will fucking e n d your life

 

**SUNSHINE:** oh my god

**SUNSHINE:** youre gonna get beat

**SUNSHINE:** be prepared for an ass whoopin

**SUNSHINE:** run jungkook

**SUNSHINE:** run

  


**JustKidding:** im not scared

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** be prepared bitch

 

**JustKidding** : pfffft

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** because these kitchen tools

**Hashtagwhipped:** arent just for cooking

 

**Yoongles:** Kook I'd run if i were you

 

**SUNSHINE:** _grabs popcorn_

**SUNSHINE:** _sits down to watch the show_

 

**JustKidding** : hyung tell me thats not you in front of my door

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** :))))

**Hashtagwhipped:** :))))

 

**JustKidding** : FCKCIU

 

**Yoongles:** damn bro that was fast

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** surprise motherfucker

 

**JustKidding** : HYUNHGHS

**JustKidding** : SIOLMEONE

**JustKidding** : PELAS

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** WHERE ARE YOU KOOKIE???

**Hashtagwhipped:** IT'S JUST YOUR DAD

 

**Joonie:** oml rip

 

**SUNSHINE:** i feel as though we should help him

**SUNSHINE:** but this is also really funny

 

**Yoongles:** nah, he got himself into this one

 

**Joonie:** True

 

**JustKidding** : HELSPOS

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** ITS TIME TO FUCKING DIE

 

**SUNSHINE:** so Joonie

 

**Joonie:** Mmhm?

 

**SUNSHINE:** wanna hear about this fanfic jin wrote

 

**Joonie:** UH lmao sure

 

**JustKidding** : HUH told u he was an old man

**JustKidding** :old men cant run

**JustKidding** :And he can’t keep up

**JustKidding** :also please hyung expose him

 

**Joonie:** Oh no trust me kook he has staminaaa

 

**JustKidding** : joonie hyung why

 

**Joonie:** Huehuehue

 

**Yoongles:** wait hold up

**Yoongles:** Jin wrote a fanfic?

 

**SUNSHINE:** hmm, what do i have to lose

**SUNSHINE:** so one fine day i was over at yoongi's

**SUNSHINE:** and me being the nosy bitch i am

**SUNSHINE:** decided to snoop around on jin’s laptop

**SUNSHINE:** and there displayed before me was

**SUNSHINE:** a voldemort/harry potter fanfiction

**SUNSHINE:** 15k of pure filthy smut

  
  


**Hashtagwhipped:** i found you kook you unguarded ass

 

**JustKidding** : oh really

**JustKidding** : I cant see you

**JustKidding** : youre too ugly

  


**Joonie:** OMGKA WHA

 

**Yoongles:** eww bro!!! everyone knows that drarry is real!!!

**Yoongles:** wait what

**Yoongles:** i said nothing

  


**SUNSHINE:** _screeches_

 

**Yoongles:** i know nothing

**Yoongles:** i am nothing

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** we will have our discussion sooner yoongles

**Hashtagwhipped:** i am just busy killing kook rn

 

**Yoongles:** discussion more like me proving to you that drarry is the shit

**Yoongles:** but yeah ofc go ahead bro

**Yoongles:** do what you gotta do

 

**JustKidding** : Jin hyung you’re too slow to even catch up to me

**JustKidding** : I can hear those joints creaking

 

**Yoongles:** _facepalms_

 

**Joonie:** Kookie ur just making it worse

 

**Yoongles:** Kook you coconut head

**Yoongles:** you never learn

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** Oh don’t worry

**Hashtagwhipped:** These creaking old joints can still find out

**Hashtagwhipped:** And beat your fucking ass

 

**JustKidding** : haha i gotta water my dog now

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** :))))

 

**Joonie:** OH

**Joonie:** Poor doggy

 

**JustKidding** : I NEED JIMIDSJGAHJ

**JustKidding** : HYUNGS

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** THERE IS NO JIMIN FOR YOU

**Hashtagwhipped:** CONFESS WHILE YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE

**Hashtagwhipped:** FICK YOU KOOK

**Hashtagwhipped:** I HAVE OTHER SHIT TO PULL AT YOU

 

**Joonie:** F I C K baby ur so hot when youre mad

 

**JustKidding** : NOT NOW NAM HYUNG

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** jesus chrosy that was fast

 

**SUNSHINE:** jesus chrosy

**SUNSHINE:** my lord and savior

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** Ofc

**Hashtagwhipped:** the best of all best

**Hashtagwhipped:** Jesus Chrosy

 

**SUNSHINE:** be right back bitches

 

**JustKidding** :i came here to see hobi hyung expose jin hyung and i honestly feel so attacked right now

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** bye bitch

**Hashtagwhipped:** it's becayse you are attacked

**Hashtagwhipped:** :)))

 

**JustKidding** : im not

**JustKidding** : your legs are too slow hyung

**JustKidding** : im miles away~

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** don't fucking test me

 

**Yoongles:** Kook just stop talkinG

 

**Joonie:**

**Joonie:** Feel even more attacked kook

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** my beautiful husband

**Hashtagwhipped:** look how beautiful our son is

**Hashtagwhipped:** we raised him well

**Hashtagwhipped:** he got your looks

**Hashtagwhipped:** _wipes tear_

 

**Joonie:** Ikr i wanna pinch his cheeks

 

**JustKidding** : how does one look so efforlessly beautiful tho

**JustKidding** : wait joonie hyung

**JustKidding** :you mean

**JustKidding** : oh not his ass cheeks right

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** no

 

**Joonie:** Oml

**Joonie:** Ew

**Joonie:** HES MY SON KOOK

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** Yes

**Hashtagwhipped:** he's our son

 

**Joonie:** YOU GO DO THT ON UR OWN YIME

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** TELL HIM HUBBY

 

**Yoongles:** jesus christ Kook stop drooling already

**Yoongles:** it's all over the damn floor

  


**JustKidding** : hyung dont blame me for the mess

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** you are always blamed

 

**Yoongles:** ^^

 

**Yoongles:** your purpose here is the scapegoat

**Yoongles:** *is to be

 

**Joonie:** I WILL SMACK YOU IF YOU DONT STOP DROOLING

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** honey we can't abuse our kids :OOO

 

**JustKidding** : yoU JUST DID

 

**Hashtagwhipped:** details kookie, details

 

**Joonie:** OH I MEANT SMACK WITH LOVE HAHA

 

**JustKidding** : dont kookie me

**JustKidding** : asshat

 

**Hastagwhipped:** :)

**Hashtagwhipped:** Jungkook dear

**Hashtagwhipped:** Prepare to have your soul ripped out

 

**abiteofmochi:** …..

**abiteofmochi:** I need new friends

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> bc there can never be too many chatfics out there...
> 
> come laugh with me on tumblr: [@naughtaeandnice](http://naughtaeandnice.tumblr.com/)


End file.
